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[ Living together with TRIGGER wasn't something he thought he would ever do, and if asked this time last year, he would have said that it was impossible. But, the way things have aligned were impossibly less than perfect, and here they are -- A month or so into living together in the same house. There have been spats, of course, but -- ... He wishes he could say that it was as impossible as he thought it would be. It's warm, here. Interactions when waking up and going to sleep and eating and coming home are less stilted. It's almost as if he can take his mask off when behind closed doors -- Not just the one of the perfect Modern-day Angel, but the sharp and cold and uncaring one covering up everything he's pushed down.

It's a saturday that they don't have anything lined up for work. Kaoru won't let him go out and do anything, tells him he needs time to himself to unwind, less he wants to end up in the hospital again. This has him idly straightening things up around the house, making stir-crazy circles in absence of anything else to do. Gaku's left a jacket in the living room, and after making a snide comment about his organizational skills to nobody but himself, he opts to bringing it back to his room for him.

Like a proper older sibling, he knocks and immediately lets himself in, with little respect for what the man inside could be doing. ]

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[Gaku's no mind-reader, but Tenn's vaguely confused expression tells him all he needs to. it's same one he makes every time he accidentally lets his walls down around him and Ryuu, gets the genuine praise or affection he needs to flip that switch in his head that he usually has turned so firmly off.]

Do you want to try walking, or should I put you in?

I can do it.

[ He's feeling slightly less boneless, now, even if he's still sore from Gaku not being able to contain his lust and going too hard for a delicate virgin's first time. Grasping onto the wall he slowly stands up -- legs wobbly, but he doesn't immediately fall, so it's probably fine. ]

[well that looks like it should be okay. probably. surely Tenn won't slip and fall on his terribly abused butthole if Gaku turns around to put his stereotypical kept-on-while-fucking yaoi jeans into the clothes hamper.]

[ he makes it to the bathtub, and while gaku isn't looking, drops a bath bomb in. ]

[very subtle Tenn, like he can't smell that as soon as you take it out. Gaku doesn't comment on it, even as the water is quickly turning a garishly bright pink by the time he gets back to the tub, stepping in with no further explanation because there's no reason for them to take turns when they're already like this, right?]

[ Even if he wasn't expecting them to take separate baths, he flushes a little when Gaku steps in. He waits a few moments after Gaku sits down before he gets in after him, back facing to him. ]

[Gaku's a gentleman, which mean's he'll at least wait until Tenn's comfortably settled before reaching out to slip an arm around his shoulders and pull him back to his chest.]

[ --He wishes that he could go three minutes, here, without getting flustered, but Gaku is not letting him! Tenn lets himself be pulled backward, all but sinks into Gaku's chest, but -- Today has had more emotions than he really ever lets himself feel. ]

[that's rough, buddy, especially because it's going to keep happening from now on.

maybe not as often as they were initially anticipating, but that's not entirely a bad thing, as it's due to Gaku landing his first substantial drama role since they were dropped by Yaotome productions. no longer having the luxuries to dictate their schedules that being under the label provided them, it means Gaku has to work a lot and he doesn't really have the spare time to be pulling his pants down just far enough to get his dick out at.

which is frustrating, for sure, but there's nothing Gaku can do about it. besides, it's Tenn, and he's fairly certain that all that intimacy at once has probably given him an affection hangover, and he likely won't even be dealing with a fraction of Gaku's own frustrated thirst.

that's what he assumes, anyway, and is the presumption he's working under one night when he gets home extremely late, late enough that Ryuu and Tenn are certainly in bed. he tries to be as quiet as possible as he takes his shoes off and heads for the kitchen, looking for whatever leftovers he can pilfer before passing out.]

[ of course he's happy that gaku has work, again. TRIGGER's lack of exposure after being dropped from their label is something that seriously depresses tenn, not that he'd let that show or mention it. ...not that he'd need to, because his unitmates absolutely can already tell, and that's frustrating. ...not... as frustrating as not being able to go out and give himself to his fans, but -- that's something he's tried to carefully pack away over the last months.

something he hasn't been able to pack away at all, no matter how hard he's tried, are all the overflowing and spilling thoughts and emotions and needs that have bubbled to the surface ever since he was ... with gaku. he didn't realize just how starving he was until he tasted him (i know this is a song lyric please don't call attention to it i'm embarrassed and can't work around using it) and nothing that he can do has been able to ebb away at that hunger.

...not just a lustful hunger, either. he craves that sweet affection from after, too -- things like the gentle peck of a kiss he was given in the ice cream shop. he just--- wants love and every single time his mind drifts to that he has to distract himself and put it somewhere else because holy shit is that ever something he's been trained into thinking he can't have. he's already guilty enough at sullying his body and wanting more-- ... it's a good thing that he lives away from kujou-san, now. he doesn't want to think of what he would say, if he knew how tenn had been feeling and what he'd been doing.

he isn't actually alseep, when gaku comes home. he hasn't done enough, today, to put him to sleep. while gaku has been busy, tenn hasn't received any work, leaving him an anxious and antsy mess that can't shut his brain off and stays up until late into the night. when he hears the door shut, he tries to tell himself he shouldn't get up, but -- he does. he pads out to the kitchen, standing in silence for way too long, waiting to see if Gaku will say anything to him. ]

[since he's not a psychic or anything, Jesus Christ Tenn, Gaku actually doesn't notice him immediately. he's busy with digging out the portions Ryuu's left carefully packed away in the refrigerator for him, and it's only when he turns to microwave that he notices Tenn standing there, staring at him.]

—you're still up? [he made sure not to make any noise, so he doubts the sound of him walking was loud enough to wake him. along with his almost anticipatory expression, Gaku's more inclined to believe that he was more likely waiting up for him— and maybe that's a bit presumptuous, but the way Tenn's looking at him makes him think that might not be too far off the mark.]

Can't sleep.

[ There's no reason to go into what's plaguing him, to tell Gaku about how defeated he is that he's not doing anything, because not only does that sound like a lot of emotions, he's sure that Gaku already knows how he feels (and Tenn hates that.)

He finally moves in closer, not just standing strangely in the middle of the hall. ]

...

How was shooting?

[Tenn's distress at his lack of work has been obvious to Gaku and Ryuu. while they're both still marketable by sheer amount of sexual appeal alone, Tenn is TRIGGER. his image is so closely tied to that of their unit that any company hiring him is all but implicitly giving the disgraced idols a leg back up in the industry. it's understandable, but knowing the reason doesn't make Gaku any less angry when he thinks about it.]

We went into overtime because of sound issues. Tomorrow I've only got one scene to do, so I should be off earlier. [you know, if Tenn wanted to do something. he knows he must get lonely being stuck in the apartment so often, compared to how much time they used to all spend together.]

[ Of course he wants to do something, but he doesn't want to ask. That, once again, feels like a whole lot of emotions. Tenn has been crabby that Gaku has made him feel so much, that he hasn't been able to completely put his walls back up after they were so thoroughly wrenched down.

So, instead, he just makes a face that he doesn't entirely realize he's making. ]

Good. Being up this late is going to give you eye bags.

That's what eye cream is for. You don't need to fuss over me, Tenn.

[that expression is basically asking to be teased, and Gaku's not very good at denying himself. he smiles easily at Tenn, soft and indulgent, before turning to start heating up his dinner.]

Whatever.

[ he moves into the kitchen to!

...sit down at the table. he's not eating, he'd never eat this late at night are you kidding me, he's just. being around gaku. he guesses. ]

[very subtle Tenn, Gaku can't tell that you're acting like a malfunctioning robot because of too many feelings at all.

he brings his plate over to the table after the the microwave goes off, taking the seat next to Tenn and ... starting to eat, silently, waiting for to make the next move.]

[ Not happening.

He has no idea whatsoever how to ask for attention when he wants it.

So, he doesn't. ]

[this is getting slightly ridiculous, and Gaku is tired, and he only has the vaguest idea of what Tenn wants.]

I'm not going to get angry if you want to ask me something. You know that, right?

I don't want to ask you anything.

[ That much is true, at least. Partially. He doesn't have a question for Gaku, per se. He wants affection but even thinking about asking for that makes him feel like his spine is going to crawl out of his mouth. He can't even begin to think about how he'd feel if he wanted to ask for sex because while he has had a light buzz of desire around him, he's tried to pack that away.

Unfortunately, it doesn't fit back in it's box very well. ]

Fine.

[he gives a slight shrug of his shoulders as he stands up, carrying his empty plate over to the sink, turning on the faucet as he starts to clean the dish off.]

I'm going to watch some TV in my room before I go to bed. [it seems almost like he's talking to himself, after the long pause of silence, but he says it clearly enough for Tenn to hear.]

[ He doesn't get up when Gaku does, watching him walk to the sink- watching him start to walk towards the hall.

He opens his mouth to speak - ]

[ - but nothing comes out because he's too embarrassed. but, he's still in the stage of actually wanting something and it's hard to parse and even harder to go for it. So, he tries again - ]

I--

[ Except his voice dies in his throat and now he's aware of the fact that he's blushing and sort of just wants to climb down the garbage disposal over the fact that he can't escape, now -- ]

...

I'll go with you.

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hold onto your ass it's about to get 2008 in here

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thats it