wafflehouse | (no subject)

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[ Living together with TRIGGER wasn't something he thought he would ever do, and if asked this time last year, he would have said that it was impossible. But, the way things have aligned were impossibly less than perfect, and here they are -- A month or so into living together in the same house. There have been spats, of course, but -- ... He wishes he could say that it was as impossible as he thought it would be. It's warm, here. Interactions when waking up and going to sleep and eating and coming home are less stilted. It's almost as if he can take his mask off when behind closed doors -- Not just the one of the perfect Modern-day Angel, but the sharp and cold and uncaring one covering up everything he's pushed down.

It's a saturday that they don't have anything lined up for work. Kaoru won't let him go out and do anything, tells him he needs time to himself to unwind, less he wants to end up in the hospital again. This has him idly straightening things up around the house, making stir-crazy circles in absence of anything else to do. Gaku's left a jacket in the living room, and after making a snide comment about his organizational skills to nobody but himself, he opts to bringing it back to his room for him.

Like a proper older sibling, he knocks and immediately lets himself in, with little respect for what the man inside could be doing. ]

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[Gaku had actually been expecting Tenn to leave— he would've been angry and frustrated, but he knows Tenn's not the one at fault. he was prepared for a few awkward days before eventually broaching the subject again when he had time in his schedule, combing over this conversation again when Tenn was less upset at the very idea of possibly betraying his beloved fans in any way.

of course, kissing is good too. Gaku will settle for the kissing right now instead of later, and reaches out automatically to cup the back of Tenn's head, supportive but not immediately trying to draw him back in, allowing Tenn to set the pace and show Gaku just what he wants at this moment.]

[ It's hard, because wanting is hard. Every single second, he's screaming at himself on the inside. He shouldn't be doing this. He should be doing this. He doesn't know what he wants but he wants to want and thinking about this hurts both mentally and emotionally so he's just --- not, he's not thinking about it and he's pushing down all of the feelings, letting himself run on autopilot as his nails dig into the skin of Gaku's jaw, as he lets himself drown in him in thoughts that maybe he'll fix this.

...It's his fault, anyway, that it's broken, right - ]

[he can tell that Tenn is desperate from the way he moves, grabbing at his chin gracelessly, so different from how Tenn usually moves. Gaku understands it, knows he's part of the reason Tenn's searching so frantically for something to cling onto, and he's not going to stop him.

his own movements, however, are much more muted. he reaches his other hand out to circle Tenn's waste again, not pulling him back into the bed, but giving him a comforting weight if he chooses to do so. Gaku swallows all of Tenn's blind kisses with a kind of measured ease, slower and careful, not pressing him to go further or faster than he wants, reminding Tenn that he'll be there however he might want him.]

[ And -- Just as quickly as he started kissing Gaku with fire and with hunger, he stops. He pulls away from him -- but, not far enough that he breaks his touch. ...He doesn't think he could ever admit it out loud, but the way that he and Ryuu soothe him with gentle and loving physical contact whenever he has something that could even resemble 'a moment' is something that he wouldn't trade for anything.

He hesitates for a moment --- just for a moment, before he moves in, resting his forehead against Gaku's chest. ]

[this is much more familiar to Gaku, the quiet neediness that overcomes Tenn whenever he does anything to make himself vulnerable in a conversation. he doesn't hesitate this time to pull Tenn back on top of him, ruffling his hair affectionately as he pulls him close. Tenn's actions speak much louder than his words in times like these, and while Gaku won't ever admit it, he's become pretty weak to Tenn's wide-eyed expressions of neediness.]

[ The comfort is appreciated and he lets himself be pulled close, waiting a fraction of a moment before relaxing into Gaku. ...He doesn't know what to say, here, staying quiet for what feels like an endless amount of time before finally speaking. ]

...Say something.

[ well. before requesting that gaku speak for him. ]

Hah? You feel pretty heavy, have you been going over your calories?

[Gaku's not about to be that indulgent, of course. if Tenn has something to say, he can do it himself. Gaku's happy to lie there and run his hand over the crown of Tenn's head, mussing his ahoge as he pets him.]

[ god, gaku, he wanted to be reassured more, not do this--- but, he's quick to snap back. ...it's probably better to do things normally than to just keep wallowing in vulnerability. ]

You know I haven't!

[it's always unsettling for Gaku to see Tenn so quiet and unsure of himself, a reminder of all the doublespeak and false fronts Tenn's put up for as long as Gaku's known him, and likely even before that, just to preserve his own impossibly perfect image. sometimes it feels like there's nothing he can really say or do to make sure Tenn knows that Gaku won't ever care about holding Tenn up to those standards, won't ever expect more from him than he can happily provide— knowing that there's only so much he can do to dismantle years of grooming is frustrating, and sometimes, it's easier to just play it off.

he dips his head down, pressing his lips to the skin just above Tenn's temple, tempering his teasing with gentle touches.]

I guess I'm just not used to you being on top.

[ This is ... a welcome distraction, he supposes. He doesn't like thinking of ... what he thinks about. Getting locked in his own head isn't something he enjoys, obviously, so Gaku flustering him is -- ... It's embarrassing, but he doesn't hate it. ]

I've sat on your lap before, idiot! Yes you are!

It's been so long, maybe I forgot.

[which is more Gaku's fault than anything, with his schedule and everything, but seeing how flustered Tenn's getting isn't giving him much reason to stop.]

...

If you forgot about that happening, I'm going to my room.

[ He isn't going to play this game anymore if Gaku is going to pretend he doesn't remember when they frotted until climax and then scurried away to fuck for the first time. ]

I was kidding, Tenn— are you upset?

[he lets his hand rest on the back of Tenn's neck, pausing in his cycle of petting that was meant to soothe. this is still a difficult area for him to gauge, because, well. Yaotome Gaku doesn't fool around, as rule, and won't get intimate with someone he isn't serious about. on the other hand, Tenn's approach to that, to this whole situation they've started, still isn't entirely clear to him. with the kind of approach Tenn usually takes to discussing his feelings, Gaku can only really play things by ear until the other decides he's ready to talk about it.]

...It was important.

[ It was his first time. Not just having sex -- his first time letting himself be so thoroughly torn apart by someone else, letting himself be so vulnerable and showing someone what's there at his very core. ]

I won't let you forget it, ever.

[Gaku is quiet for a moment. longer than a moment, really, before he finally answers.]

I won't. You can hold me to that.

[the tone of his voice is changed, deadly serious and without any of the levity it had before. he carefully moves a hand to brush some of Tenn's fringe away from his face, another tender action that he gives Tenn plenty of space to pull away from should he not want it.]

[ He wants it. He wants it a lot. Now that he's had the floodgates open, he's been craving cloyingly sweet affection. He has no taste for anything particularly nefarious right now, just this -- Just sitting on his lap and being touched gently. ...Still, even if he's trying his best on letting himself want, it's embarrassing, and he glances away as his cheeks heat up. ]

...G- good.

[Gaku sighs in relief, tucking Tenn's hair behind his ear before leaning in to catch his lips again, kissing him quick and light as he tugs him incrementally closer.]

[ Once their lips part, once he's pulled in just close enough that he can feel it, Tenn gives the smallest of smiles. This situation that's spun around them is ... confusing, to say the least, and it's been a mess of emotions he's normally tried everything to repress, but ...

... When it's like this, he's happy in a warm and genuine way.

Draping his arms over Gaku's shoulders, he leans in, pressing their foreheads together. ]

[seeing Tenn smile so quiet and contentedly, and knowing that he's the cause of it, makes Gaku's pulse skip a beat. it's a side of Tenn he rarely sees, if ever, and the little tastes he's gotten so far have only made him hungry for more.

he catches Tenn's lips when he leans in again, moving his hand to cup his chin as he kisses him, soft and indulgent. Gaku's not looking for this to move into anything spicier, taking his time with it, savoring the feeling of Tenn's weight on top of him.]

[ It's deceptively easy to melt into Gaku, to accept his indulgence and savour it like some sort of decadence that isn't so supremely forbidden. Of course, there's a quiet buzz in the back of his mind at all times telling him just how bad all of this is, but -- ... He lets the louder buzz at the front of his mind telling him how good this is drown it out as he kisses him, as he relaxes.

When they break, Tenn -- ... reaches behind him, pulling Gaku's blanket up and over them. This is cuddling, right. ]

[it's cuddling by Gaku's standards, which are the only ones that matter right now. he sinks further back down against the mattress when Tenn pulls the blankets up around them, getting a clear vision of TV no longer a concern in the slightest. he coaxes Tenn to lie down with him, still kissing him all the way.]

[ He doesn't waste much time in laying down with Gaku, in cuddling up to him -- that was his goal, after all, when he'd reached for the blankets. The extra kisses are nice, though, even if it's a little overwhelming to be kissed this much, to have Gaku keep diving in for more and more of him every time they break. He presses up next to him -- not with any kind of hunger, just wanting to be close, tangling together their legs. ]

[Gaku isn't kissing too deep, keeping his more carnal urges under check for the time being. Tenn's intent is easy to read, and while Gaku's eager to shower him with physical affection, he's also well aware of how easy it would be to get carried away and get saddled with an unwanted boner during a literal Netlix and chill session.

so he backs off eventually, letting a hand rest on Tenn's waist when he's settled against his side, reaching with his other hand to grab the remote and turn the volume on the TV back up.]

[ He isn't actually very tired and he hasn't done his fifteen step skincare regimen but being entangled in Gaku like this with no intent to do anything but just be fills him with a kind of warmth that he didn't know he was capable of still housing. So ... he doesn't have any intent of moving, and he knows that Gaku doesn't plan on kicking him out. He shifts, a little, moving more on top of Gaku and closing his eyes. He's already seen all of the show that Gaku's put on, so it's not like he's missing anything anyway. ]

[between the soft noise of the TV and Tenn's warm weight on top of him, Gaku finds it becoming harder and harder to keep his eyes open. he's been up since early this morning, working on set all day, and had been planning to go to bed early before Tenn had dropped in and needed to be talked down from his self-destructive ledge.

his movements all gradually begin to still, and if Tenn looks up at his face in a few minutes, he'll likely see that Gaku's fallen asleep.]