[ of course he's happy that gaku has work, again. TRIGGER's lack of exposure after being dropped from their label is something that seriously depresses tenn, not that he'd let that show or mention it. ...not that he'd need to, because his unitmates absolutely can already tell, and that's frustrating. ...not... as frustrating as not being able to go out and give himself to his fans, but -- that's something he's tried to carefully pack away over the last months.
something he hasn't been able to pack away at all, no matter how hard he's tried, are all the overflowing and spilling thoughts and emotions and needs that have bubbled to the surface ever since he was ... with gaku. he didn't realize just how starving he was until he tasted him (i know this is a song lyric please don't call attention to it i'm embarrassed and can't work around using it) and nothing that he can do has been able to ebb away at that hunger.
...not just a lustful hunger, either. he craves that sweet affection from after, too -- things like the gentle peck of a kiss he was given in the ice cream shop. he just--- wants love and every single time his mind drifts to that he has to distract himself and put it somewhere else because holy shit is that ever something he's been trained into thinking he can't have. he's already guilty enough at sullying his body and wanting more-- ... it's a good thing that he lives away from kujou-san, now. he doesn't want to think of what he would say, if he knew how tenn had been feeling and what he'd been doing.
he isn't actually alseep, when gaku comes home. he hasn't done enough, today, to put him to sleep. while gaku has been busy, tenn hasn't received any work, leaving him an anxious and antsy mess that can't shut his brain off and stays up until late into the night. when he hears the door shut, he tries to tell himself he shouldn't get up, but -- he does. he pads out to the kitchen, standing in silence for way too long, waiting to see if Gaku will say anything to him. ]
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something he hasn't been able to pack away at all, no matter how hard he's tried, are all the overflowing and spilling thoughts and emotions and needs that have bubbled to the surface ever since he was ... with gaku. he didn't realize just how starving he was until he tasted him (i know this is a song lyric please don't call attention to it i'm embarrassed and can't work around using it) and nothing that he can do has been able to ebb away at that hunger.
...not just a lustful hunger, either. he craves that sweet affection from after, too -- things like the gentle peck of a kiss he was given in the ice cream shop. he just--- wants love and every single time his mind drifts to that he has to distract himself and put it somewhere else because holy shit is that ever something he's been trained into thinking he can't have. he's already guilty enough at sullying his body and wanting more-- ... it's a good thing that he lives away from kujou-san, now. he doesn't want to think of what he would say, if he knew how tenn had been feeling and what he'd been doing.
he isn't actually alseep, when gaku comes home. he hasn't done enough, today, to put him to sleep. while gaku has been busy, tenn hasn't received any work, leaving him an anxious and antsy mess that can't shut his brain off and stays up until late into the night. when he hears the door shut, he tries to tell himself he shouldn't get up, but -- he does. he pads out to the kitchen, standing in silence for way too long, waiting to see if Gaku will say anything to him. ]